Written by: Amanda Levison, M.S., LMHC, LPC, CCBT
Breaking up with someone can be one of the most challenging experiences we face in life. It can feel like the end of the world, and the pain and heartbreak can be overwhelming. Whether you were in a long-term relationship or a short fling, the end of a romantic relationship can leave you feeling lost, confused, and alone. Whether you initiated the end of the relationship or not, this means sudden change and new emotions. However, it is essential to remember that you will get through this, and there are ways to heal and move on from a breakup.
Everyone is different, every relationship is different, and every breakup is different. Just like grieving the death of a loved one, it’s important to recognize that myths about grief can hinder the healing process after the end of a romantic relationship, which happens in its own time and way. While there is no one, singular, correct way to get over a breakup, we have some advice that is worthwhile.
In this blog post, we will discuss ways to get over a breakup and start the healing process. We will explore strategies for taking care of yourself, staying positive, and moving forward in a healthy way.
1) Allow yourself to grieve and feel your feelings.
The first step in getting over a breakup is allowing yourself to grieve. It is essential to acknowledge your feelings and emotions. Permit yourself to feel sad, angry, hurt, or whatever else you are experiencing. Allow yourself to cry, scream, or vent to friends and family about your feelings.
It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a breakup, and it is crucial to let yourself process these feelings. Holding down emotions can be extremely detrimental to your mental health and well-being. It is possible that you may also struggle to feel anything because you may be numb to the breakup, especially if you were blindsided by it.
If the breakup was not mutual, you may be struggling to understand the whys behind it all. Thinking through it and processing those feelings can help you overcome the grief and loss associated with losing that relationship. If you did not end the relationship, try not to get on yourself for what you may have done wrong. You may have done nothing wrong. Some relationships are just not right for the people in them. Understanding what happened and being kind to yourself can help you to grieve more effectively.
2) Take care of yourself.
During this challenging time, it is essential to prioritize self-care and take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Make sure to eat nutritious foods, stay hydrated, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and practice relaxation techniques such as meditation or deep breathing. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this challenging time.
A good support system is extremely helpful for getting through bad times. It is also important to practice self-compassion and use words of affirmation to be kind to yourself as you navigate the healing process. Explore ways in which you can pamper yourself as a way to feel better and allow yourself to move on. Try to avoid using drugs, alcohol, or any other mind-altering outlets to numb the pain of the loss.
Although it may help to initially alleviate what you are feeling, it will ultimately create more problems down the road and, in reality, it will not allow you to address the situation head-on. One can only avoid things for so long. You should allow it to happen as early as possible in the breakup process.
3) Cut off contact if possible.
Every situation is different, so this may not be applicable to all breakups. However, going no contact, if possible, can be helpful. It can be tempting to try to stay in touch with your ex after a breakup, but it is crucial to cut off contact to facilitate the healing process. Delete their number, unfollow them on social media, and avoid places where you might run into them. It may be essential to create distance and give yourself space to heal without constant reminders of a past relationship.
Remember that closure comes from within, and you do not need your ex to provide it for you. You may think this is too difficult for you to do; however, staying in touch with them and living in the hope of reconciliation can prove to be more painful in the end. Choosing to do this says much about how you feel about yourself. As in the previous category, focusing on self-love can help you to detach and move away from this person and the energy they created.
4) Keep yourself busy.
One of the best ways to get over a breakup is to keep yourself busy and distracted. Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as hobbies, exercise, or spending time with friends. This will help you focus on positive things and prevent you from dwelling on the past. Take this opportunity to try new things and discover new passions that can help you move forward and create a sense of purpose in your life.
You may also want to engage in activities that you may have stopped doing when you were involved with this person due to the demands the relationship created. There may be an interest that you always enjoyed that your ex-significant other did not, which caused you to stop engaging in it. Take it back up and tell yourself that nobody should ever have that much say in your life that you should have to give up an activity or interest that was beneficial for you.
5) Reflect on the relationship.
After some time has passed since the breakup, it can be helpful to reflect on the relationship and what you have learned from it. Take the time to think about what went wrong, what you could have done differently, and what you can take away from the experience. This reflection can help you gain closure and understanding, and it can also help you grow and learn from the relationship for future ones.
It takes two to make and break a relationship. Understanding what both parties did to get in the way of the relationship from being successful can help you to gain a level of objectivity that can help you to gain accountability yet avoid blaming. In doing this, you will gain awareness of what worked and what did not, what to tolerate and not tolerate, and finally project that energy into future relationships to avoid repeat performances.
We often get mixed up in the same unsuccessful relationships because we have not worked through what happened and why we were drawn to possibly the wrong person. Reflecting on the relationship and learning from it can increase your ability to know what you want in a relationship and thus to create a positive direction for that end.
6) Seek professional help if needed.
If you are struggling to get over a breakup and find yourself feeling overwhelmed, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A professional therapist or counselor can provide you with support, guidance, and tools to help you cope with your feelings and move forward in a healthy way. Therapy can be a safe space to process your emotions, gain insight into your patterns and behavior, and develop coping strategies for dealing with the breakup. You may be able to learn your blind spots and how to avoid or address them. Expressing your feelings in healthy ways can provide many benefits in overcoming the pain.
7) Give yourself time and space.
Many times, when a relationship ends, it is common to feel as though you need to get into a new one. Some people feel as though doing so alleviates some of the pain experienced in the previous relationship. However, it is important after a breakup to give yourself time and space to gather your thoughts, gain perspective, and learn new ways of coping and living without someone else setting expectations or demands on your time. In doing so, you may need to sit in your pain and find a way to engage, embrace, and accept it.
Tremendous healing takes place when time is given to breathe and simply enjoy your own company. Adapting to the change in your relationship status can help you gain insight into the dynamics of your needs and what needs were not met in that relationship. It can thus allow you to clear your mind and find new ways of being in the world as a single person.
8) Stay positive and hopeful.
It can be easy to fall into a negative mindset after a breakup, but it is essential to stay positive and hopeful about the future. Remember that this breakup, while painful, is not the end of the world, and there are still many opportunities for happiness and love ahead. Focus on the positives in your life, set goals for the future, and surround yourself with positivity and optimism. Believe that you deserve happiness and love, and trust that better things are on the horizon.
In conclusion, getting over a breakup is a challenging but essential part of the healing process. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a breakup, but it is crucial to allow yourself to grieve, take care of yourself, cut off contact, keep yourself busy, reflect on the relationship, seek professional help if needed, such as individual therapy if you're struggling with unresolved feelings, and stay positive and hopeful. and stay positive and hopeful.
Remember that healing takes time, and it is essential to be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate this difficult period. With time, self-care, and support, you will get through this and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever before.
At Neurofeedback & Counseling Center in Harrisburg, PA, we are here to provide the guidance you need to move forward with confidence and strength. With our professional support, you can embrace the healing process and rediscover your path to growth and well-being.
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